This is what it sounds like when doves condescend.

If you were faced with two doors to a shopping center, one labeled “Beautiful” and the other “Average,” which would you walk through?

In its latest inspiration-via-advertising campaign, Dove set up labeled entrances in Shanghai, San Francisco, London, Sao Paulo and Delhi, and filmed the results.

--Time magazine

Two doors labeled BEAUTIFUL and JUST KIND OF OKAY.  WOMEN approach, hesitate, proceed.

MAN: Excuse me! Why did you choose the door marked "Just Kind of Okay?"WOMAN 1:  It's closer.MAN:  But don't you see how beautiful you are?WOMAN 1: If I don't get this dropped off and make this call and pick up my kids in the next twenty minutes I'm screwed, so --MAN: But beauty is a spectrum...WOMAN 1: Dude seriously if you don't move I will end you.MAN: Go ahead.  --But you're beautiful.  --Never mind, didn't say anything.  --But you are.

* * *

WOMAN 2: I choose neither.MAN: You have to choose one.WOMAN 2: Why?MAN: -- Dove says so.WOMAN 2: Dove--?  Is this like, what, a soap commercial?MAN: It's -- no, it's a consciousness-raising kind of --WOMAN 2: That's like a big corporation or something, right? Who makes that, Procter and Gamble?MAN: Noooooo!... Unilever.WOMAN 2: This is bullshit, I'm going in one of those doors over there.MAN: --They're out of order.WOMAN 2: That person just went through one.MAN: Well. She -- is not beautiful.  On the inside. That is her cross to bear.

* * *

 WOMAN 3: Those are the only choices?MAN: They are!WOMAN 3: What about other stuff, like "smart" or "powerful" or "resourceful" or "funny?"MAN: That would be, uh, too many doors.  We're operating on more of a binary--WOMAN 3: I'm going to a different building.MAN:  But you're -- you're so beautiful!!  Why can't you see that like you're supposed to??

* * *

 WOMAN 4:  Do you have a door labeled "Unwitting Pawn in a Calculated Marketing Scheme?"MAN: That... would not fit on the sign.

* * *

The Man has a table set up with two choices: a beautiful doll or a pile of shit.

MAN: Excuse me!  Take a look at these choices... which one would you say most resembles you?WOMAN 5: Neither.MAN: But if you had to pick.WOMAN 5: I don't.MAN: But if you had to.WOMAN 5: I guess -- the doll.MAN: And... congratulations.  You... have acceptable self esteem.  I mean: you passed the test.WOMAN 5: Who are you people?MAN: We're people who care about how beautiful you should think you are.  ...And, and what soap you use.

* * *

The doll and the shit are hidden under boxes.

MAN: Just pick one.  No peeking.

WOMAN 6 picks -- they remove the box; it's the shit.

MAN: Ohhh, oh no, no!  How poignant and achingly sad!  Why did you pick the pile of shit? Do you not know how beautiful you are?WOMAN 6: It was under a box, I didn't know what it--MAN: You have so much unconventional beauty and you owe it to society to recognize that.WOMAN 6: Yeah, I know, I look pretty good.  Why do you have a pile of shit?  Who had to go and collect that?MAN: I'd rather not say.

* * *


MAN: Excuse me, miss, would you do me a favor and describe yourself to this man?WOMAN 7: Why?MAN: So he can draw you.WOMAN 7: Why?MAN: So you can see how you're a failure at feeling good enough about yourself and get a little cry-y and change your ways.WOMAN 7: How long is this gonna take?MAN: Not long.SKETCH ARTIST: About forty, fifty minutes.MAN: Not that long.WOMAN 7: And you're, what, a portrait artist?SKETCH ARTIST: Naw, I mostly draw people who've disappeared violently or who are suspected of crimes.

Woman 7 leaves.

MAN: Crimes like HURTING US ALL BY NOT BEING CONFIDENT ENOUGH, OF YOUR, YOUR BEAUTIFUL, Y'KNOW --SKETCH ARTIST:  You still want me to draw them like piles of poop?MAN: There's gotta be a better way to sell f'ing soap.