Gotham City 32771

(Enter COMMISSIONER GORDON.)COP: Evening, Commissioner.GORDON: Looks like we're late to the party, Officer.COP: Yep, nothing to see here.GORDON:  So what do we got?COP: Seems to have been some kind of an altercation.  Two guys got into it, the one over here ended up dead.  The other guy's right here...GORDON:  Oh, no.  Not him again.COP: What, you know this guy?GORDON: Just another one of these pain-in-the-ass vigilantes running around my city.COP: Oo, you mean Batman?GORDON:  No, not Batman.COP: Green Lantern?GORDON:  Uh-uh.COP:  ...Bat-Girl?GORDON: This guy look like a Bat-Girl to you?  No, this is a new one.  Calls himself...HERO: (guttural, gravelly)  I'm Zimmer-Man.GORDON:  I told you last time, Zimmer-Man, you can knock it off with this stuff, we've got the law enforcement thing covered.HERO:  Listening to sound advice isn't one of my superpowers, Commissioner.GORDON:  So what is it this time, Zimmer-Man?  Another skinny kid with Skittles and Arizona Iced Tea?HERO:  Worse.  This one was packing Rolos and a Snapple.  They're escalating.COP:  Who's escalating?HERO:  Don't have all the facts yet but I'm calling them the Sugar-High Gang.  They get all hopped up on sucrose and corn syrup and you don't know what they're gonna do.GORDON:  So, let me guess, this guy attacked you...?HERO:  Attacked me.  Right.  Attacked me real bad.GORDON:  And I don't suppose you provoked this at all.HERO:  No.  I'm Zimmer-Man.  What happened was, I was cruising along in my Zimmer-Mobile...COP:  That looks like a Ford Festiva.HERO:  Anyway, I spotted this guy and immediately he seemed suspicious.GORDON: Suspicious how?HERO:  Just didn't seem like he belonged.  Not very belongy.  Like, at all.  Plus, he was walking so casually.  Leisurely.  I don't trust anyone who's so casual and leisurely and without sufficient belongitude.GORDON:  Did the subject appear to notice that you were following him?HERO:  Yes!  And then he started acting really nervous.GORDON:  Imagine that.HERO:  So I called it in to the police, y'know, like you've asked me to do...GORDON: Actually I've asked you to stop doing this sort of thing altogether.HERO:  Remembering stuff isn't one of my superpowers, Commissioner Gavin.GORDON: Gordon.HERO:  See?COP: What'd you say when you called it in?HERO:  Usual stuff: "these fucking punks," you know, "these assholes always get away," typical small talk.GORDON:  Sounds like you'd really made your mind up about this guy.HERO:  Hello, did I not tell you about the casualness?  So then the operator asked me "Are you following him?"  And I said "Yeah," and she said, "Okay, we don't need you to do that."GORDON:  But you did it anyway, didn't you?HERO:  She didn't tell me not to do it; she said I didn't need to do it.GORDON:  So splitting hairs is one of your superpowers, then.HERO:  Maybe.  If that's a cool thing.  Point is, that's what being a hero is all about: I do the things nobody needs me to do.GORDON:  You certainly do.HERO:  But actually, instead, what I did was, I got out of the car to look for some street signs to find out where we were.  So I could tell the operator.GORDON:  Don't you live around here?HERO:  Directions aren't one of my superpowers.  So I get out of the car, looking for signs, and out of nowhere this guy jumps me and starts beating me up.GORDON:  Really.HERO:  That's right.GORDON:  This unarmed kid, who I imagine we're going to find out yet again has no record of violent crime, just decided to attack a stranger and beat him up?HERO:  Yep.GORDON:  Huh.HERO:  Plausibility isn't one of my superpowers.GORDON:  So I imagine what happened next was...HERO:  I shot 'im.GORDON:  You —.  Of course you did.COP:  You want I should cuff this guy, Commissioner?GORDON:  No point, I imagine.  I assume no one saw what happened here, Zimmer-Man, apart from you and him?HERO:  Just the two of us, Commissioner.GORDON:  No one at all who can offer a competing version of events and who hasn't been killed?  By, y'know, you?HERO:  Nopers.GORDON:  Figures.  All right.  Looks like even though you did something awful, it doesn't mean we can sentence you to prison for it.HERO:  Yay me!GORDON:  You've pretty much managed somehow to walk the narrow territory between abhorrent and illegal.HERO:  That's my superpow—!GORDON:  Yeah, no, I just got it, even as I was saying that I, yeah.  But listen, seriously, I mean it: stop doing this, okay?  Just, y'know, knock it off.HERO:  I hear you, Commissioner, and we're on the same page.  Just one question: wondered if you might want to work with me to set up like a Zimmer-Signal, let me know when you need my help with creepy outsider weirdos walking around suspiciously with or without snack foods?  Like a big light or something, maybe just like a penlight with a—?GORDON:  No!HERO:  Hey.  I'm just a legally armed upstanding citizen, Commissioner, keeping an eye out for fucking punks on the streets.COP:  Yeesh, Batman doesn't talk like that.HERO:  Batman's a thug.  He wears a hoodie.  Zimmer-Man out!GORDON:  I'm getting too old for this shit.