God and the Case of the Huckabee Quandary

(A humble, run-down detective’s office.  Very Dashiell Hammett.  A rumpled no-nonsense P.I. slouching at his desk.  He has a long white beard.)VOICEOVER: Name’s God.  Just God.  I solve problems.  Sometimes I cause them.  It’s a mysterious ways thing, you wouldn’t get it.  But mostly?  I solve them.  People call me because I get things done.(Phone RINGS.  God answers.)GOD:  God.  Yeah.  Say again?  What kind of atrocity?  No way!  Not on my watch!(God slams down the phone, rushes out.)(God’s racing down the street.)VOICEOVER: Someone’s getting hurt?  I stop it.  Simple as that.  Nothing gets in my way.  Well.  Almost nothing.(GOD arrives at an elementary school.  Sign out front reads “PUBLIC SCHOOL.  PLEASE NO SOLICITORS OR DEITIES.”  God fidgets and paces, stymied.  Thinks about going in anyway but just can’t bring himself to.)GOD:  Aw, c’mon…!  I… hello!  Hey!  God here!  I’m out here!  I came to help!  Can I get a waiver or…?  Like a hall pass?  Something?  No?  Aw, cheese and crackers!(God back at his desk, disgruntled, idle, completing a Rubik’s cube.)VOICEOVER: Hey, what’s a guy supposed to do?  Just because I’m omnipotent doesn’t mean I can do anything I want.FIN