Mitticisms

Mitt Romney, wringing some savage satirical wit out of his opponent's campaign slogan this week: “Things don't feel like they are going forward. It feels more like backward.”Some more comedy stylings from his jokewriter's notebook:* Your mother is so fat, she is just really not skinny in the least.* I'm trying to tell you, friend, she is so fat, she has her own wardrobe of unusually large clothes.* Do you know the difference between black people and white people?  Yeah, it's mostly pigmentation.  Some cultural stuff too, yeah, but mostly the hue thing.  I know, right?  I'm just saying what you're thinking, friend.  Look at him, he knows it.  No, I can't really tell whether he knows it.* Two Mormons walk into a bar, all right?  And the first one says to the second one: "Whoops!  This isn't where we intended to go at all."  And the second one says, "Right you are, Jared!"* What is the deal with those warehouse club stores?  They are literally nothing like my house.  Insofar, I mean, as they're smaller.If this whole election thing doesn't go his way on Tuesday, look for his new cable special: "The Plutocrats of Comedy."