Insane in the Meme Bain

The time: the year 2000.  The place: a guy’s office.  He places a phone call.  Someone answers:MITT:  Good morning, Bain Capital.GUY: Hi there.  I was calling to speak with the CEO?MITT:  This is the CEO.GUY:  Terrific.  So look: I’m just calling because I’m working on a project and I was hoping to get some numbers...MITT:  Let me stop you right there ‘cause I’d hate to waste your time.  For answers like that I’m afraid you’d need to talk to the CEO.GUY:  I--.  Oh.  Sorry, I--.  But aren’t you the CEO?MITT:  Me?  Oh ho ho ho.  Goodness, no.  No, no.  Wouldn’t that be something, though.GUY:  O--kay, but... didn’t you just say that you were the...?MITT:  Did I?  No.  I don’t think so.  No, I didn’t say that.  Almost certainly not.GUY:  Okay, then, could I please speak with the CEO?MITT:  Speaking!GUY:  So... you are the CEO?MITT:  Yessir.  Last time I checked, yep.GUY:  ...Okay, then, I was wondering if I...MITT:  Oops, hang on, just checked again -- nope.  Uh-uh.  Definitely not the CEO.  Sorry about that.GUY:  You’re not the CEO.MITT:  Not even a little bit.GUY:  Tell you what -- could I talk to the president of Bain instead?MITT:  Absolutely.  Terrific guy, you’ll love him.  Let me transfer you.GUY:  Thank you.Beeps, clicks, ringing.  Then:MITT:  Hello, Bain Capital!GUY:  ...Aren’t you... the guy I... was just talking to?MITT:  Am I?  Hard to say!GUY:  And you’re -- president of Bain Capital?MITT:  President?  Oh gosh no.  I’m just the lowly CEO.GUY:  So you are the CEO.MITT:  Absolutely.GUY:  You’re sure?MITT:  Positive.GUY:  -- Seriously, you’re sure?MITT:  My friend, I think I know who I am, gosh.GUY:  Okay, so as the CEO...MITT:  President.GUY:  Sorry?MITT:  President.GUY:  Not CEO.MITT:  Don’t think so.GUY:  Can’t you be both?MITT:  You tell me.  Can light be both a particle and a wave?GUY:  -- Can’t it?MITT:  I’m asking you.  Gee, I’m no scientist.  I’m just a simple CEO.GUY:  You are the CEO!MITT:  Or president, whatever.GUY:  Different approach, here.  Could I just talk to a managing member of Bain Capital Investors?MITT:  Speaking!GUY:  -- Or someone else entirely, maybe?MITT:  You bet, friend.  Let me just transfer you.Beeps, clicks.MITT:  Hello, Bain Capital!GUY:  Look, I just wanted to talk to the CEO...MITT:  I’m afraid if you want to talk to him I’m going to have to transfer you back to myself.GUY:  So you are the CEO!!MITT:  I was.  I just retroactively resigned.GUY:  Retroactive to when?MITT:  To the beginning of this phone conversation.  Paperwork just went through.GUY:  So this conversation never even happened?MITT:  Oh, it happened.  Silly.  But you had it with someone else entirely.GUY:  Who’d I have it with?MITT:  Beats me, fella!  I wasn’t here!GUY:  So you’re the CEO of Bain Capital.MITT:  Yes.  Absolutely not.GUY:  And instead you’re the president.MITT:  Yes.  I was. Until you asked that question.  Now not so much.GUY:  And -- who am I?MITT:  I don’t know.BOTH:  Third base!Fin.