Someone wrote a poem celebrating today’s inauguration. Literary research and Wikileaks have uncovered, however, that — as with any great work of art — this opus wasn’t the first draft. Below are some early lines that didn’t make it into the final version:
The mane ‘top his heed all flaxen and bushy,
He squares off ‘gainst history an’ grabs a’ its pussy,
He’ll tackle the future with ebullient puerility;
He mocks danger (if danger has a disability);
He crushes PC (and all other ills)
But kindly ask not that he pay off his bills.
If a reporter displeases he’ll blitz and bombard,
And don’t bruise his ego or he’ll tweet you so hard.
His taste will enshrine his executive powers –
Everything’s golden: his sink and his showers.
Behold his fine cabinet: it’s where Goldman-Sachs is.
He’s a wild man of mystery, at least re: his taxes.
He seizes the mike and lets catchphrases flow
As befits the ex-host of a reality show.
Others be smarter but none e’er so loud,
As th’ bellowing Donald, wi’ wee hawns endowed.